


Saying Goodbye

by Lasha



Category: As the World Turns RPF
Genre: As the World Turns RPF - Freeform, Jake Silbermann/Van Hansis - Freeform, M/M, Soap Opera RPF, Yuletide 2009
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-19
Updated: 2009-12-19
Packaged: 2017-10-04 14:53:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/31467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lasha/pseuds/Lasha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With As the World Turns ending, Jake is having a hard time saying goodbye, especially to Van.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saying Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

  * For [indigo_5](https://archiveofourown.org/users/indigo_5/gifts).



Jake looked around Van's dressing room with a sense of sorrow and sadness. This would be the last time he would ever set foot into this room. Three years of his life had been crammed into this little space, and so many memories had been created here that it seemed surreal to think that it would all be gone tomorrow.

_As the World Turns_ was over.

Just fifteen minutes ago, Van and he had finished filming their final scene as Luke and Noah. The day had been positive in some aspects, as Luke and Noah finally got their happy ending with a commitment ceremony at the Snyder farm, but it was bittersweet too, as Jake had known this would be the last time he'd ever get to act with Van. Acting with Van had been the highlight of his performing career; Jake had known that Van would have his back when he disagreed with a director about Noah's motivations in a scene. When he was having a bad day, Van would totally support him. Of course he would turn around and kick him in the ass when he wasn't pulling his weight in a scene, but he'd praise him too when he succeeded in pulling off a difficult emotional reaction. Jake knew it was rare for actors to find such a strong rapport on the job, but Van and he had also found a deep friendship outside of work. They'd had that connection since the first day they'd worked together, and now it was ending.

Once again, Jake surveyed the room. It looked bare; no posters or stolen street signs adorned the walls anymore. All their personal belongings had long since been taken away and seeing everything stripped down made Jake feel a wave of loneliness he hadn't felt since he'd left his parents' house to move into his own place. Although they'd known this day was coming for over six months, it still didn't seem possible that a soap opera institution was going off the air. This studio had been his home for over three years. The cast had been his second family and Van his best friend.

The only two pieces of furniture left in the room were a daybed and a desk. Jake fondly remembered dragging the daybed up the elevator and down the hallway with Van when he was doing _Die Mommie Die_, so Van could nap during breaks while working on both shows. The look on the security guard's face in the lobby of the studio had been priceless as they had pushed the already assembled monstrosity past him. Jon Hensley had teased them relentlessly about how were they going to "break in the bed" and "if they needed any sex tips not to call...Billy." Billy, who really should've expected the teasing, being the new guy on the set, retaliated by gluing pictures from the Kama Sutra all over Jon's dressing room door.

That was how The Great Prank War of 2007 had started. Of course it ended abruptly two weeks later when Jon's wife, Kelley caught Billy and Jake sending Jon penis enlargement e-mail ads from Billy's laptop. She dragged them down to Jon's dressing room and lectured them all on their childish behavior, then made them pull down all but one of the Kama Sutra pictures. (The Milk and Water Embrace illustration she kept for herself.)

Van, who'd been filming a scene with Martha, caught the tail end of the drama -- and thereby missing being reamed out by Kelley -- laughed so hard he'd fallen down in the hallway. Jake, Billy, and Jon slunk back to their respective dressing rooms to hide their shame in private, while Van had gone to find Marnie and tell her all the gory details, which led to a week of teasing from the rest of the cast. Jake wanted to kill Van for a while after that, but when Van brought over Chinese take-out and a movie to his apartment as an apology, Jake forgave him. He never could stay mad at Van for long, especially when Mr. Chow's Sweet and Sour Shrimp was involved.

Even after _Die Mommie Die_ closed, the bed stayed. Jake remembered sitting extremely close together on the small daybed, because it hadn't been constructed for two six-foot-tall men, while reading comic books and eating popcorn, waiting to be called down to shoot a scene. It had also been the place where he'd cradled Van as he cried after Tyler and he broke up and the other man moved out of their apartment nearly a year ago.

Lately, it had been the place Jake had been trying to catch up on his sleep after flying in on the red eye from Los Angeles to New York every Wednesday to film a few days on ATWT, only to turn around late Sunday night and go back to L.A. and hit the audition circuit again. L.A. was a lot tougher acting market than New York. Jake had only landed two minor roles, one in a television show, the other in a Bruce Willis movie, in the six months he'd been out in L.A. So he'd been happy to come back to the soap, not only to wrap up the Luke and Noah storyline, but to pay his bills.

The room had seen a lot of change over the years Jake had used it, let alone the four and a half Van had been here, and all the years and actors before them.

Suddenly Jake felt a presence behind him. Turning, he saw Van come into their room and close the door, sealing out the rest of the world.

Walking over to him, Van put his hand on Jake's shoulder and asked, "You okay?" Concern laced his voice.

All the loneliness and uncertainty Jake had been feeling earlier melded together in one upsurge of devouring yearning to hold Van one more time, here in this place where they had laughed, cried, and fought.

Not answering, Jake pulled Van into a hug, his arms encircling the other man. The warmth was so male, so Van. His smell so earthy and welcoming. Jake instantly felt the pull of attraction so long denied. He moved closer, until not an inch was between them. Van responded by moving his hands so they came up to cup Jake's face. Van's dark brown eyes clung to his, analyzing his reaction. Obviously seeing what he wanted there, Van leaned in and took Jake's mouth in a gentle kiss. Jake drank in the sweetness of Van's kiss. It was a sweet, tender kiss. A kiss from one friend comforting another.

But Jake wanted more. He'd waited too long for this. He wanted fire, heat, and passion. He knew Van had it in him. He didn't want sweet, not today. Not when everything was ending.

He wanted Van to burn for him. He wanted Van to remember _them_. When all this was gone, he wanted this memory.

Pressing his lips against Van's, Jake traced his tongue across the seam, pushing inside to explore the recesses of Van's mouth. Van accepted the unspoken challenge and responded in kind, crushing Jake to him and moaning in pure pleasure. Jake explored every inch of that lush mouth, teasing the tongue, sucking gently against the lower lip. Their kisses sent the pit of his stomach into a wild swirl of want and need. Knowing this would be his only chance to ever touch Van like this in their special place, Jake took every advantage. He let his hands travel everywhere, trailing through Van's blond hair, caressing his shoulder, slipping downward and under Van's shirt to caress bare skin. Stroking softly, his thumb found and fondled a taut nipple, and Van shivered in delight.

Very slowly Jake moved his hand down from Van's chest to his jeans and felt Van's erection. He rubbed Van's dick through the rough cotton, squeezing gently but firmly, not to bring the other man off but to drive him into a frenzy of desire. It seemed to be working, as Van panted in his ear, "Jake. Fuck. So good."

He wanted more than to rub Van off through his clothes to serve as a reminder of their years together on the show, so quickly undoing the metal buttons on Van's jeans, Jake moved his hand into the slit of Van's briefs and gripped Van's cock. Sliding his hand up and down the thick shaft, he stopped only to trace his thumb around the crown, repeating the motion until Van was bucking against his hand. The feel of Van's cock in his hand was exhilarating. His own groin was throbbing now, but he wanted Van to come first.

Jake removed his hand from inside his co-star's pants and quickly pulled off Van's clothes, flinging the garments onto the floor. Now he had free access to his lover's beautiful, nude body. Gently he eased Van onto a sitting position on the daybed and knelt before him. Returning his hand to Van's swollen cock, Jake was rewarded with deep moan of appreciation. Soon though, Jake replaced his hand with his eager mouth.

Van slid forward on the bed and reached down to touch Jake's head, signaling him to stop. Jake pulled off and looked up at Van, curious. "Let me try this," Van said, draping his long legs over Jake's shoulders. Jake responded by exploring Van's thighs with his tongue, then moving over to capture his cock once again. Jake continued to grip the base, sucking on the head and using his tongue to tease the sensitive vein on the underside. Van's taste was rapidly becoming addictive.

Jake continued to torment Van, teasing him with gentle touches to his hole while continuing to suck him. The extra stimulation made Van shake and beg Jake, "Fuck me. Please, fuck me!"

They didn't have any lube, so Jake couldn't accommodate Van's request, but he could make him come. Never taking his mouth off Van's cock, Jake slid his hands under Van's ass, grabbing both cheeks hard. This new position pushed Van's penis further into his mouth, and Jake hummed his approval. Wetting his index finger, Jake returned to probe Van's asshole, this time with a purpose. Pushing his long finger into Van's tight opening, he searched out and found his lover's hot spot, stroking it as Van flailed across the bed uncontrollably, his body dying for release. Jake continued to deep throat and finger Van, until he was a screaming, squirming, writhing mess, yelling out Jake's name as he finally climaxed.

Jake didn't have time to react; he just swallowed Van's come until there was none left. Licking his lips, he removed his mouth from Van's softening cock and rested his head tenderly against Van's still quivering stomach, his own hard-on throbbing in his jeans, waiting for reciprocation.

He watched as Van collapsed back against the bed, announcing hoarsely, "Are you trying to kill me, Silbermann?"

"Maybe?" Jake replied into Van's bellybutton.

"This couldn't have waited until we got home?" And Jake saw Van gesture with his hand in a loose motion across the bed, indicating their current position.

"Ah, no? I can explain, Van. Really, I can."

"This ought to be good." Van muttered under his breath.

Jake ignored the dig. "Before you came I was remembering all the great and not so great times we had in this room. I was feeling sad, thinking I'd never get to act with you again, and when I turned around and saw you there, all those emotions came rushing out and..."

"And you decided to blow me because you were feeling _nostalgic_?"

"Well, if a certain someone hadn't put a sex moratorium on our dressing room then maybe I would have gotten the image of fucking you on this bed out of my system months ago, and all this pent up horniness wouldn't have erupted our last night here!" Jake exclaimed, pulling himself off the floor to throw himself on top of his lover, effectively pinning Van to the mattress.

Jake looked down at his lover of seven months, his best friend, and now former co-star and watched as Van's boyish smile turned into a chuckle.

"Sex moratorium, Jake?" Van's laugh was marvelous, catching, as he brought his hand up to stifle his giggles.

Seeing the amusement in Van's eyes, Jake found his humor once again and had to laugh with his boyfriend. "I will quote you here: 'No sex at work, Jake. It's unprofessional. No kissing, no touching and definitely no penetration.' Does that sound familiar, Van Hansis?"

"Hey, I don't sound like that!" Van objected at Jake's imitation of his voice.

"Like what?"

"Like I have a stick up my ass!"

Jake arched his eyebrow.

Van relented. "Okay. So maybe I do sound like that about work-related stuff." Then in a surprise move, he grabbed Jake, flipping them over so he was on top, as Jake looked up into Van's animated face.

He spoke in jesting quips. "Can I help it if my boyfriend is so smokin' hot that I want to have sex with him all the time? I was afraid that if we didn't have some rules at work, I might accidently molest you in front of Goutman and get us fired!"

"So you finally admit I'm hot?" Jake grinned in smug delight.

"If your head gets any bigger it won't fit in this room." Van replied, enjoying the sparring as much as his lover did.

"If it gets any bigger, it won't fit in my pants." To make his point Jake ground his still aching erection against Van.

Suddenly Jake felt Van's large hand against his hard-on. "This what you want, baby? My hand?"

There was a pale blue lightning of amusement between his lashes as Jake responded, "Your hand, your mouth, your ass..."

"You'll have to wait until we get home for the last one, but the first two I think I can do." Van's voice was low and throaty.

Just as Van started to slide down Jake's torso, they heard a loud banging on their door. As they pulled apart, Billy yelled, "Yo, gentlemen, if you're done now, please put your clothes back on and get your asses out here! We've got some drinking to do. The Hensleys are buying the first round." There was some noise, then some more banging, and then Billy bellowed again, "Okay, okay, _I'm_ buying the first round. Don't have a cow, Kelley. So when you two lovebirds are finished meet us down at Freddy's Back Room. Everyone's going to be there. Grunt if you heard this."

Jake gave Van a conspiratorial wink and they both hollered, "Fuck you, Billy!"

Not to be outdone, Billy roared back, "Use a condom!" Then Jake heard the group leave their doorway and stop next door to get Alex and Marnie, their voices dropping off as they finally walked far enough down the hallway that Van and Jake couldn't hear them any more.

Van dropped his chin on Jake's chest with a sigh of resignation, "Mood breaker, uh?"

"Ya think?" Jake replied. His erection had subsided after the interruption.

"Later?"

"Yeah, after we kill Billy. When we get home." Leaning down, Jake first kissed the tip of Van's nose, then his eyes, and, finally, he kissed Van's mouth, sighing with satisfaction. "Love you."

"That's good to hear." Van searched Jake's eyes, then nodded, happy with what he saw. He ruffled Jake's hair, then slapped him on the ass and said, "Let's get moving! There's free booze out there with our names on it." And with that Van jumped up, gathered up his clothes from the floor, and started to get dressed.

Realizing there wasn't any good reason to stay in the room now, Jake pushed himself off the bed and stood up, stretching to get all the kinks out of his body. He patiently waiting for Van to finish dressing, glancing around the room briefly as he pondered on some more private memories about this place.

So lost in his musings, Jake didn't feel Van come up behind him until his arms locked around his waist. As Van rested his chin resting on Jake's shoulder, his breath warm and moist against the side of his face, Jake finally relaxed, sinking back into Van's safe and loving embrace.

"It's not over, you know. Not really."

"Feels like it," Jake said, unsure where Van was going with his statement.

As long as we're _together_ it will never be over. It will just be new and exciting." Van turned his head to kiss Jake's cheek, then broke their embrace. He looked at Jake. "You ready?"

It was at this moment, seeing the love shining from Van's eyes that Jake realized that four walls or things didn't make a home. No, people made a home. And to him, Van was home wherever they lived.

It was that simple.

Not feeling so gloomy anymore, Jake grinned, his face alive with affection and joy. Van met the smile and the hand which was offered, and together the two of them made for the door and their future.


End file.
